i'm not innocent

i'm not innocent of gossip
i'm not innocent of lying

sometimes i talk behind people's backs
sometimes i just slightly bend the truth so i appear a certain way

i'm not innocent of being controlling
i'm not innocent of expecting perfection

sometimes i do what it takes to have things my way
sometimes i forget that my name is grace and that i should offer that to others

i'm not innocent of fear
i'm not innocent of recklessness

sometimes i run from things when i should run to them
sometimes i don't weigh things out and look at the potential damage that may fall on someones heart

i'm not innocent of pride
i'm not innocent of jealousy

sometimes i see myself as better than others or deserving of something better
sometimes i look at others and wish i were as beautiful, smart, or blessed as them

the fact of the matter is that sometimes i don't see my faults. and when i don't see my own faults i am unable to bear the thought of someone else having faults. i place expectations on their lives that i, myself, could never withstand. and i end up hurting others as well as distancing myself from what could be good, maybe even great.