"I am a rock. I am an island."
Words I have subconsciously been living by these past few months.
But today, in the middle of tears, frustration and the aisles of Target I discovered I am not.
Everything that I am and have is a gift. A gift entrusted to me - the steward.
16 days ago I broke my arm snowboarding. I like to think of my self as adventurous, however sometimes humbling myself and learning (taking a lesson on how to hit boxes/rails properly) from others may be the more "stewardly" answer. Frustration has risen as day in and day out I have failed at accomplishing tasks that normally I think nothing of. I can't "prove" myself and instead have to let others help me. The body I have been given, its movements, and its lifespan are a gift. During all this stuff with my arm I have also been "struggling" with finances. Now when I say "struggling" I don't mean really struggling. Because when I look at what I have been given it far surpases what many have and what I should even have. But for whatever reason I have been entrusted with much. And with all that I have been entrusted I have been a miserable steward...offering a token Starbucks coffee to a friend every now and again. Wow that is really going to break the bank. As my car struggled to shift gears today I got so frustrated with God. "Why would You keep racking up the bills? You do realize that I have bills coming for my broken arm, expenses towards Christmas gifts, bills from my new snow tires, rent due and I am trying to find a new place that will no doubt be more expensive, DON'T YOU?" And then I just cried out "Please Lord just provide. I have no idea why this is all happening, but just provide what I need." And sure enough after a $1.89 worth of brake fluid my car was fine.
It shouldn't have taken all of this to get my attention but sometimes the free-spirited and strong willed individuals are a little hard of hearing. Here is a verse that keeps coming to my mind...
"For everyone to whom much is given, of him shall much be required." -- Luke 12:48
Sunday, December 30, 2007
Thursday, December 6, 2007
the anticipation begins
things i can't wait for:
1. celebrating Christmas tea...even if we are missing two members of the Final Four.
2. playing pictionary with the family...guys vs. girls.
3. snuggling up with my dear friends and catching up on life, love, and a little soccer.
4. going for a Christmas morning run with lots of snow to throw and play in.
5. seeing my nieces and nephews and how much their ever changing personalities.
6. giving gifts and seeing faces light up.
7. being re-united with Mars Hill for one day.
8. sleeping in my bed.
9. flying in an airplane.
10. eating Mummy's Christmas cookies.
ah I am pumped!
1. celebrating Christmas tea...even if we are missing two members of the Final Four.
2. playing pictionary with the family...guys vs. girls.
3. snuggling up with my dear friends and catching up on life, love, and a little soccer.
4. going for a Christmas morning run with lots of snow to throw and play in.
5. seeing my nieces and nephews and how much their ever changing personalities.
6. giving gifts and seeing faces light up.
7. being re-united with Mars Hill for one day.
8. sleeping in my bed.
9. flying in an airplane.
10. eating Mummy's Christmas cookies.
ah I am pumped!
Monday, December 3, 2007
windsor knots and brain wrecking thoughts
I could not ask for a better weekend. I got to do so many things I love with people I love. I started out the weekend by spending some quality time with the future house members of Mean Girls Manor. We went down to the parade of lights downtown with a little help from our friend - Peppermint Schnapps. We saw floats, old men dancing, and I almost yelled that Santa wasn't real. But actually practiced a little self-restraint for the kids' sake. We fell asleep to Mean Girls and good talks.
Saturday I spent the day riding at Copper which got dumped on. J and his class were up there. And so it was great to see his friends as well as go boarding for the first time with him. Not bad. I was impressed. He and I hit up the J.Crew outlet and then sat for a good three hours in traffic. love it.
Church was good for me Sunday. I was frustrated/irritable. And it just was so great to be surrounded by a community of people that are passionate. We watched the Colts game afterwards. Sarah and I drew pictures and talked about pretty much a bunch of nonsence while the rest of the group had deep discussions about religeon and politics. I am going to love living with that girl! (plus we have the same shoe size...priceless)
Sunday night J took me out...on a date...it was so sweet. We got dressed up in Holiday fashion. I am not gonna lie...we were smokin'. :) Well at least he was.
So the weekend was great. It was good to have that after such a strange week. I had a conversation that just frustrated me to death. I felt like nothing I said in that conversation was heard or meaningful. I think I should have just shut up and listen. And then ended the conversation. I don't know why it all bothered me so much other than the fact that I think there should be a general respect for people whether you "love" them or not. Anyone you encounter should be another opportunity to show Christ's love and compassion. I know I fell short in that because I allowed my frustration with how the entire thing was handled to take over my heart.
I have a lot to work on. I need to pursue the Lord. I need to pursue His love and a better understanding of who He is and what it means to follow Him. A never ending process.
Saturday I spent the day riding at Copper which got dumped on. J and his class were up there. And so it was great to see his friends as well as go boarding for the first time with him. Not bad. I was impressed. He and I hit up the J.Crew outlet and then sat for a good three hours in traffic. love it.
Church was good for me Sunday. I was frustrated/irritable. And it just was so great to be surrounded by a community of people that are passionate. We watched the Colts game afterwards. Sarah and I drew pictures and talked about pretty much a bunch of nonsence while the rest of the group had deep discussions about religeon and politics. I am going to love living with that girl! (plus we have the same shoe size...priceless)
Sunday night J took me out...on a date...it was so sweet. We got dressed up in Holiday fashion. I am not gonna lie...we were smokin'. :) Well at least he was.
So the weekend was great. It was good to have that after such a strange week. I had a conversation that just frustrated me to death. I felt like nothing I said in that conversation was heard or meaningful. I think I should have just shut up and listen. And then ended the conversation. I don't know why it all bothered me so much other than the fact that I think there should be a general respect for people whether you "love" them or not. Anyone you encounter should be another opportunity to show Christ's love and compassion. I know I fell short in that because I allowed my frustration with how the entire thing was handled to take over my heart.
I have a lot to work on. I need to pursue the Lord. I need to pursue His love and a better understanding of who He is and what it means to follow Him. A never ending process.
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