"I am a rock. I am an island."
Words I have subconsciously been living by these past few months.
But today, in the middle of tears, frustration and the aisles of Target I discovered I am not.
Everything that I am and have is a gift. A gift entrusted to me - the steward.
16 days ago I broke my arm snowboarding. I like to think of my self as adventurous, however sometimes humbling myself and learning (taking a lesson on how to hit boxes/rails properly) from others may be the more "stewardly" answer. Frustration has risen as day in and day out I have failed at accomplishing tasks that normally I think nothing of. I can't "prove" myself and instead have to let others help me. The body I have been given, its movements, and its lifespan are a gift. During all this stuff with my arm I have also been "struggling" with finances. Now when I say "struggling" I don't mean really struggling. Because when I look at what I have been given it far surpases what many have and what I should even have. But for whatever reason I have been entrusted with much. And with all that I have been entrusted I have been a miserable steward...offering a token Starbucks coffee to a friend every now and again. Wow that is really going to break the bank. As my car struggled to shift gears today I got so frustrated with God. "Why would You keep racking up the bills? You do realize that I have bills coming for my broken arm, expenses towards Christmas gifts, bills from my new snow tires, rent due and I am trying to find a new place that will no doubt be more expensive, DON'T YOU?" And then I just cried out "Please Lord just provide. I have no idea why this is all happening, but just provide what I need." And sure enough after a $1.89 worth of brake fluid my car was fine.
It shouldn't have taken all of this to get my attention but sometimes the free-spirited and strong willed individuals are a little hard of hearing. Here is a verse that keeps coming to my mind...
"For everyone to whom much is given, of him shall much be required." -- Luke 12:48
Sunday, December 30, 2007
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1 comments:
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