i want to have a faith worth dying for. One that others can look at and discover something different than the day-to-day. I want a faith that when questioned stands firm. A faith that runs through me like the very blood that runs through my veins.

I am seeking it out. I am reading. I am questioning. I am feeling. I am trusting.

i want change.

Change

Denver.

It is a really great city to live. Easy to access. Young, fun people. Laid back/liberal. Perfect climate. Mountains. I could probablly go on for quite a while about why this city is so great, however I find all things things fall short in comparison to having friends. Not friends that you go out with or friends that you go skiing with. I am talking about the friends that call you just to say hi. The freinds that knows when you are sick and bring you a cup of tomato soup spritzed with cheddar cheese. Consistant, true friends. The hard part is that everyone is in such a transition that we rarely take the time to notice eachother or ask the hard questions.

Josh.

He deals with these things so differently than I do. He is a self acclaimed closet introvert. I envy the fact that when he has an entire day to himself he thrives. I find myself moping and depressed. Longing for someone that wants to grab coffee with me. And I don't even like coffee. Josh is my best friend but it is those girls that are going to help me work through things that even the best of guys can't understand.

Me

This loneliness affects me in so many ways. Spiritually, emotionally, and even physically. I tried running today with Josh and started freaking out. He didn't get it. He can't. Who I was in college is so different than who I am now. I was uninhibited and with few obligations. Now I work 40 hours a week, I am far away from home, I'm not surrounded by a group of crazy soccer players. Life has changed and I just want to feel carefree again. I want to feel like I am not going to work to pay bills but that I am going to work for the joy of it. I want change. How do I find that change? (maybe I should vote for Obama.)

i am feeling quite out of place and purposeless...

sigh...i just want to feel like i am living each day with purpose.

i don't feel like blogging this out but i just needed to write that down.

as my pastor said today however "the story is not finished"

ah i had a great birthday! i woke up to breakfast made by my roomies and josh came to help out too. it was fantastic. i spent the rest of my day taking in Arrested Development, the library, italian food and plenty of calls and messages. I can't wait to celebrate it with the rest of the crew on the day of my lineage...st. patty's.

the book reading is going well.

npr is keepin' me up to date on reality.

now if only i could convince more of my friends to move to Colorado :)\

street smarts

i have been told by a certain unmentionable person that i do not blog enough/since i started dating that "someone" again, so here goes.

well today was yet another beautiful day in Colorado. i enjoyed my day thoroughly...picnics at the park, tickle fights, listening, talking, laughing...just an perfect day. i went to the library and felt overwhelmed with a sense that i know nothing. sure i know things, but not the kind of things that i should know. i would say i definitely have "street smarts" and probablly pride myself on that. but beyond that i don't pursue knowledge as i should. reason being, i think i am an extremist at times. example: i see kids in high school and college that were so obsessed with knowledge and good grades that they would be unable to enjoy the simple pleasures in life for fear of not achieving some ridiculous goal. i then in return run the opposite direction and just soak up all of life's experiences and miss out on the discipline of gaining a well rounded type of knowledge. Or if someone is overly versed in political matters i just avoid the subject all together for fear of looking stupid or for fear of taking away from quality time together. Well needless to say i have committed to listening to talk radio or books on tape on my drive to and from work. it feels good to learn by choice again rather than for requirement or other extrinsic reasons.
I am reading a book by David Sedaris. i'll write a review on it as soon as i finish.