goin' deep

I feel overly emotional today. I wish I had some sort of excuse like "it's that time of month" or "Dashboard just came out with a new album that I am listening to non-stop"...but I don't (thank the Lord). I think it is a combination of fear and wanting more out of life.

Fear.

Isaiah 41:10, “Fear not; for I am with thee: be not dismayed; for I am your God: I will strengthen you; I will help you; I will uphold you with the right hand of my righteousness.”

I am so afraid of the unknown. Afraid that I will wind up hurt again. Afraid that I will make the same mistakes I made before. Afraid that I will not be considered beautiful or that the little things about me will not be found endearing but rather obnoxious or strange. I love living in a care-free manner but sometimes I find these fears lurking. Keeping me from leeping into the unknown.

I must trust. Daily.

I want more from this life.
I want to be a light in people's lives. So often I am not and I want to be intentional. I have this great passion to work with teenage girls. To share my heart with them. To remind them of their beauty. To be a constant in their lives when so many things and people are not constant. I am hoping to get plugged in somewhere I can just really invest in others and stop focusing on myself. It is interesting because I think that the pursuit of this will lessen my fear. Because my eyes won't be so fixated on myself and my own future but I will be able to celebrate the here and now's and the futures of others.

"Being unwanted, unloved, uncared for, forgotten by everybody, I think that is a much greater hunger, a much greater poverty than the person who has nothing to eat. " - Mother Teresa