i have so many things going through my mind and heart. i can't even explain them all. i have been so blessed by intentional people, specifically my roommate and friend Julie. she has gone out of her way to show me just how much i am loved and reminding me who i am. spa night...looking at pictures...listening...talking...sniffing a blanket that appeared suspicious. She knows the right questions to ask. I feel so loved by her.

i have been shaken. but one thing God has shown me over and over this year is that my identity, my beauty, and my worth does not come from what i do, who i am with, or what people think of me. i know this idea flies in the face of magazine ads, movies, and our culture as a whole, but i know it is true. You look at something like beauty...i will never win a beauty pagaent. that is a fact. the standards are different than i will ever be. i will never be perfect, flawless. i will never have the lips of Angelina or the booty of Beyonce (actually i am quite thankful for that one). But the fact of the matter is.."beauty is fleeting". As cliche as it sounds... it is what is inside that counts most. Everything in my life that has been monumental has been a matter of the heart. Beauty on moment can put you at the front of the line and the next moment you are in the bathroom with coverup struggling to cover an "imperfection". Thank goodness the magazines are able to airbrush any mistakes. If beauty is skin deep i come up short (literally) every time. That is what is facinating about our design. We have been given a beauty that shines and illuminates from our souls. Something that is unexplainable. Something that says I don't care that I don't match up to other people...I am beautiful. Oh gosh I am beginning to sound like Christina Aguilera (Sp?).
I know I am ranting but I just want girls and guys to see beauty in themselves and in the everyday people they encounter. From that drop dead georgeous blonde that walks into the coffee shop to the old wrinkled woman who serves you beer at the pub.
It is God's image illumating within all of us that creates beauty. Beauty that changes lives.

I find it fascinating how this struggle of beauty destroys not only girls of all ages (eating disorders, depression, negative self-image) but also men. It takes men from viewing a woman as precious and breath-taking to objectifying. Satan has such a huge foot hold in this area. Imagine if we started looking different. Started focusing on the hearts of people instead of their esthetics. I want to live differently. I want to love recklessly. And I want to discover beauty like never before.