Denver.
It is a really great city to live. Easy to access. Young, fun people. Laid back/liberal. Perfect climate. Mountains. I could probablly go on for quite a while about why this city is so great, however I find all things things fall short in comparison to having friends. Not friends that you go out with or friends that you go skiing with. I am talking about the friends that call you just to say hi. The freinds that knows when you are sick and bring you a cup of tomato soup spritzed with cheddar cheese. Consistant, true friends. The hard part is that everyone is in such a transition that we rarely take the time to notice eachother or ask the hard questions.
Josh.
He deals with these things so differently than I do. He is a self acclaimed closet introvert. I envy the fact that when he has an entire day to himself he thrives. I find myself moping and depressed. Longing for someone that wants to grab coffee with me. And I don't even like coffee. Josh is my best friend but it is those girls that are going to help me work through things that even the best of guys can't understand.
Me
This loneliness affects me in so many ways. Spiritually, emotionally, and even physically. I tried running today with Josh and started freaking out. He didn't get it. He can't. Who I was in college is so different than who I am now. I was uninhibited and with few obligations. Now I work 40 hours a week, I am far away from home, I'm not surrounded by a group of crazy soccer players. Life has changed and I just want to feel carefree again. I want to feel like I am not going to work to pay bills but that I am going to work for the joy of it. I want change. How do I find that change? (maybe I should vote for Obama.)
Saturday, August 30, 2008
Sunday, March 23, 2008
i am feeling quite out of place and purposeless...
sigh...i just want to feel like i am living each day with purpose.
i don't feel like blogging this out but i just needed to write that down.
as my pastor said today however "the story is not finished"
sigh...i just want to feel like i am living each day with purpose.
i don't feel like blogging this out but i just needed to write that down.
as my pastor said today however "the story is not finished"
Thursday, March 13, 2008
ah i had a great birthday! i woke up to breakfast made by my roomies and josh came to help out too. it was fantastic. i spent the rest of my day taking in Arrested Development, the library, italian food and plenty of calls and messages. I can't wait to celebrate it with the rest of the crew on the day of my lineage...st. patty's.
the book reading is going well.
npr is keepin' me up to date on reality.
now if only i could convince more of my friends to move to Colorado :)\
the book reading is going well.
npr is keepin' me up to date on reality.
now if only i could convince more of my friends to move to Colorado :)\
Monday, March 10, 2008
street smarts
i have been told by a certain unmentionable person that i do not blog enough/since i started dating that "someone" again, so here goes.
well today was yet another beautiful day in Colorado. i enjoyed my day thoroughly...picnics at the park, tickle fights, listening, talking, laughing...just an perfect day. i went to the library and felt overwhelmed with a sense that i know nothing. sure i know things, but not the kind of things that i should know. i would say i definitely have "street smarts" and probablly pride myself on that. but beyond that i don't pursue knowledge as i should. reason being, i think i am an extremist at times. example: i see kids in high school and college that were so obsessed with knowledge and good grades that they would be unable to enjoy the simple pleasures in life for fear of not achieving some ridiculous goal. i then in return run the opposite direction and just soak up all of life's experiences and miss out on the discipline of gaining a well rounded type of knowledge. Or if someone is overly versed in political matters i just avoid the subject all together for fear of looking stupid or for fear of taking away from quality time together. Well needless to say i have committed to listening to talk radio or books on tape on my drive to and from work. it feels good to learn by choice again rather than for requirement or other extrinsic reasons.
I am reading a book by David Sedaris. i'll write a review on it as soon as i finish.
well today was yet another beautiful day in Colorado. i enjoyed my day thoroughly...picnics at the park, tickle fights, listening, talking, laughing...just an perfect day. i went to the library and felt overwhelmed with a sense that i know nothing. sure i know things, but not the kind of things that i should know. i would say i definitely have "street smarts" and probablly pride myself on that. but beyond that i don't pursue knowledge as i should. reason being, i think i am an extremist at times. example: i see kids in high school and college that were so obsessed with knowledge and good grades that they would be unable to enjoy the simple pleasures in life for fear of not achieving some ridiculous goal. i then in return run the opposite direction and just soak up all of life's experiences and miss out on the discipline of gaining a well rounded type of knowledge. Or if someone is overly versed in political matters i just avoid the subject all together for fear of looking stupid or for fear of taking away from quality time together. Well needless to say i have committed to listening to talk radio or books on tape on my drive to and from work. it feels good to learn by choice again rather than for requirement or other extrinsic reasons.
I am reading a book by David Sedaris. i'll write a review on it as soon as i finish.
Sunday, December 30, 2007
I can't even put my hair in a ponytail
"I am a rock. I am an island."
Words I have subconsciously been living by these past few months.
But today, in the middle of tears, frustration and the aisles of Target I discovered I am not.
Everything that I am and have is a gift. A gift entrusted to me - the steward.
16 days ago I broke my arm snowboarding. I like to think of my self as adventurous, however sometimes humbling myself and learning (taking a lesson on how to hit boxes/rails properly) from others may be the more "stewardly" answer. Frustration has risen as day in and day out I have failed at accomplishing tasks that normally I think nothing of. I can't "prove" myself and instead have to let others help me. The body I have been given, its movements, and its lifespan are a gift. During all this stuff with my arm I have also been "struggling" with finances. Now when I say "struggling" I don't mean really struggling. Because when I look at what I have been given it far surpases what many have and what I should even have. But for whatever reason I have been entrusted with much. And with all that I have been entrusted I have been a miserable steward...offering a token Starbucks coffee to a friend every now and again. Wow that is really going to break the bank. As my car struggled to shift gears today I got so frustrated with God. "Why would You keep racking up the bills? You do realize that I have bills coming for my broken arm, expenses towards Christmas gifts, bills from my new snow tires, rent due and I am trying to find a new place that will no doubt be more expensive, DON'T YOU?" And then I just cried out "Please Lord just provide. I have no idea why this is all happening, but just provide what I need." And sure enough after a $1.89 worth of brake fluid my car was fine.
It shouldn't have taken all of this to get my attention but sometimes the free-spirited and strong willed individuals are a little hard of hearing. Here is a verse that keeps coming to my mind...
"For everyone to whom much is given, of him shall much be required." -- Luke 12:48
Words I have subconsciously been living by these past few months.
But today, in the middle of tears, frustration and the aisles of Target I discovered I am not.
Everything that I am and have is a gift. A gift entrusted to me - the steward.
16 days ago I broke my arm snowboarding. I like to think of my self as adventurous, however sometimes humbling myself and learning (taking a lesson on how to hit boxes/rails properly) from others may be the more "stewardly" answer. Frustration has risen as day in and day out I have failed at accomplishing tasks that normally I think nothing of. I can't "prove" myself and instead have to let others help me. The body I have been given, its movements, and its lifespan are a gift. During all this stuff with my arm I have also been "struggling" with finances. Now when I say "struggling" I don't mean really struggling. Because when I look at what I have been given it far surpases what many have and what I should even have. But for whatever reason I have been entrusted with much. And with all that I have been entrusted I have been a miserable steward...offering a token Starbucks coffee to a friend every now and again. Wow that is really going to break the bank. As my car struggled to shift gears today I got so frustrated with God. "Why would You keep racking up the bills? You do realize that I have bills coming for my broken arm, expenses towards Christmas gifts, bills from my new snow tires, rent due and I am trying to find a new place that will no doubt be more expensive, DON'T YOU?" And then I just cried out "Please Lord just provide. I have no idea why this is all happening, but just provide what I need." And sure enough after a $1.89 worth of brake fluid my car was fine.
It shouldn't have taken all of this to get my attention but sometimes the free-spirited and strong willed individuals are a little hard of hearing. Here is a verse that keeps coming to my mind...
"For everyone to whom much is given, of him shall much be required." -- Luke 12:48
Thursday, December 6, 2007
the anticipation begins
things i can't wait for:
1. celebrating Christmas tea...even if we are missing two members of the Final Four.
2. playing pictionary with the family...guys vs. girls.
3. snuggling up with my dear friends and catching up on life, love, and a little soccer.
4. going for a Christmas morning run with lots of snow to throw and play in.
5. seeing my nieces and nephews and how much their ever changing personalities.
6. giving gifts and seeing faces light up.
7. being re-united with Mars Hill for one day.
8. sleeping in my bed.
9. flying in an airplane.
10. eating Mummy's Christmas cookies.
ah I am pumped!
1. celebrating Christmas tea...even if we are missing two members of the Final Four.
2. playing pictionary with the family...guys vs. girls.
3. snuggling up with my dear friends and catching up on life, love, and a little soccer.
4. going for a Christmas morning run with lots of snow to throw and play in.
5. seeing my nieces and nephews and how much their ever changing personalities.
6. giving gifts and seeing faces light up.
7. being re-united with Mars Hill for one day.
8. sleeping in my bed.
9. flying in an airplane.
10. eating Mummy's Christmas cookies.
ah I am pumped!
Monday, December 3, 2007
windsor knots and brain wrecking thoughts
I could not ask for a better weekend. I got to do so many things I love with people I love. I started out the weekend by spending some quality time with the future house members of Mean Girls Manor. We went down to the parade of lights downtown with a little help from our friend - Peppermint Schnapps. We saw floats, old men dancing, and I almost yelled that Santa wasn't real. But actually practiced a little self-restraint for the kids' sake. We fell asleep to Mean Girls and good talks.
Saturday I spent the day riding at Copper which got dumped on. J and his class were up there. And so it was great to see his friends as well as go boarding for the first time with him. Not bad. I was impressed. He and I hit up the J.Crew outlet and then sat for a good three hours in traffic. love it.
Church was good for me Sunday. I was frustrated/irritable. And it just was so great to be surrounded by a community of people that are passionate. We watched the Colts game afterwards. Sarah and I drew pictures and talked about pretty much a bunch of nonsence while the rest of the group had deep discussions about religeon and politics. I am going to love living with that girl! (plus we have the same shoe size...priceless)
Sunday night J took me out...on a date...it was so sweet. We got dressed up in Holiday fashion. I am not gonna lie...we were smokin'. :) Well at least he was.
So the weekend was great. It was good to have that after such a strange week. I had a conversation that just frustrated me to death. I felt like nothing I said in that conversation was heard or meaningful. I think I should have just shut up and listen. And then ended the conversation. I don't know why it all bothered me so much other than the fact that I think there should be a general respect for people whether you "love" them or not. Anyone you encounter should be another opportunity to show Christ's love and compassion. I know I fell short in that because I allowed my frustration with how the entire thing was handled to take over my heart.
I have a lot to work on. I need to pursue the Lord. I need to pursue His love and a better understanding of who He is and what it means to follow Him. A never ending process.
Saturday I spent the day riding at Copper which got dumped on. J and his class were up there. And so it was great to see his friends as well as go boarding for the first time with him. Not bad. I was impressed. He and I hit up the J.Crew outlet and then sat for a good three hours in traffic. love it.
Church was good for me Sunday. I was frustrated/irritable. And it just was so great to be surrounded by a community of people that are passionate. We watched the Colts game afterwards. Sarah and I drew pictures and talked about pretty much a bunch of nonsence while the rest of the group had deep discussions about religeon and politics. I am going to love living with that girl! (plus we have the same shoe size...priceless)
Sunday night J took me out...on a date...it was so sweet. We got dressed up in Holiday fashion. I am not gonna lie...we were smokin'. :) Well at least he was.
So the weekend was great. It was good to have that after such a strange week. I had a conversation that just frustrated me to death. I felt like nothing I said in that conversation was heard or meaningful. I think I should have just shut up and listen. And then ended the conversation. I don't know why it all bothered me so much other than the fact that I think there should be a general respect for people whether you "love" them or not. Anyone you encounter should be another opportunity to show Christ's love and compassion. I know I fell short in that because I allowed my frustration with how the entire thing was handled to take over my heart.
I have a lot to work on. I need to pursue the Lord. I need to pursue His love and a better understanding of who He is and what it means to follow Him. A never ending process.
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